Aug 22 2007
Myocardial Infarction, Here I Come
As usual, after the daily 10:00 meeting at work, I left for a walk around the block. Normally this walk is just a 10-minute quicky, but I decided to extend it a bit and hike down to Famous Footwear for some new crosstrainers. I was going to pick up my new shoes at lunch, but I really didn’t feel like working so this walk was going to be a good a time as any.
So I made it to Famous Footwear, bought my shoes and headed back. Ah. Nice. Squishy. Comfy.
On the way back I walked upon a Wendy’s truck and there are people handing out burgers. FREE burgers. Kick ass. I’m technically at lunch now since I’ve been goon for so long, so I decide to spend the rest of my lunch hour in line waiting for my FREE burger. I’m handed a Wendy’s sack and am given the option of a Single with cheese or the new Baconator. It’s FREE, so I opt for the new Baconator. “Baconator” is marked on my bag and I wait in line. And I wait. And then I read on the sign that the Baconator consists of two 1/4-pound patties, a mass of cheese, five strips of bacon and some mayonnaise. Then I wait some more. I’m in my nice, squishy, comfy new shoes, though, so it’s tolerable. And then I make it to the front of the line and a Baconator is placed in my bag. The sack suddenly becomes enormously heavy and I nearly drop it.
Oh, no. What did I just do? My body cannot possibly process a 1/2-pound of greasy meat, five strips of bacon, a slathering of cheese and a pool of mayonnaise all at once! It’s not like I’ve been eating very well recently. What little room I have left in my arteries for blood to flow is going be blocked by this mountain of calories, cholesterol and fat. Oh, and a Coke. They gave me a 12-ounce can of Coke on my way out. That should speed things up a bit.
If I never post again, you know what happened to me. Ah, the price of FREE.
8/22/2007 3:30 P.M. UPDATE: It’s exactly four hours after I consumed the Baconator, and I have just discovered how my lunch earned it’s name: “I’ll be back.”